Dateline BELDEN, CA: Happiness levels have rocketed up recently, all across Northern California, according to official analysis of several regional wellbeing metrics. While key anxiety levels held level or even fell slightly, the CHJAII (Combined Happy-Joy-Amaze Industrial Index), the APMSA (Alameda-Plumas Musical Satisfaction Average), and the SFGFA (Sierra Foothill Glitch-Funk Aggregate) all peaked over the weekend. Based on data from the last week of June to the first week of July, False Profit’s United Neoratchet Trap Zestimation (UNTZ) board reported that satisfaction with life overall is on the rise — despite a first half-year that many would describe as a total dumpster fire. «Today’s figures may surprise some, showing a striking increase in both happiness and in life satisfaction during a period that has seen rapid political change, scandal and uncertainty,» said the board’s Samuel M. Pearlman. So what's behind this brushing off of the world's political turmoil? Bass is the most likely answer. «It's worth noting that low-frequency sound pressure levels also rose and peaked several times during the period covered by this report, and another UNTZ analysis showed people perceiving an enhancement of their own life quality and the overall economy in the same period,“ said Pearlman. A panel discussion, hosted by UNTZ board chairman Caleb Cook, will be held on Wednesday, July 11th at Asiento, and minute-by-minute data for all major happiness indexes will be available for public review and comment.
EQUITY July 11 2018 — Bliss Face Edition
At Asiento SF, 2730 21st St. at Bryant. Hot beats, tasty bites, drink specials, and allllll the data.